Restoring childhood can look surprisingly ordinary sometimes. It’s the safe adult who stays behind when a young girl doesn’t want to join the group. It’s the questions lobbed back and forth: “What’s your favorite snack?” Then remembering the answer.
Dhalia* was a 13-year-old struggling to connect with peers at the government home where she lived. She didn’t fit in, and when the children left to play one afternoon, she chose to stay behind. A Back2Back staff member who was there visiting the home decided to stay with her, not pushing her to participate. They talked without an agenda; they just wanted Dhalia to know she didn’t have to be alone. They shared their favorite snacks, and Dhalia* named three things she loved, among them, chocolate donuts.
Dhalia opened up, sharing why she was in a group home and how she felt about it. She openly shared what she missed most about her life before: choice.
“When I wasn’t here, if I wanted a certain snack, I would just go get it,” she shared. “I’d think about what sounded good, and then, hopefully, I’d satisfy that craving by eating the snack I wanted. But here, that isn’t how it works.”
Choice seems like a small freedom until it is no longer yours.
Dhalia continued to share, never feeling rushed by the safe adult sitting with her. She realized no one was pushing her toward joy or trying to fix her feelings; she simply stayed and heard her out. They ran into each other a couple of weeks later at church, and Dhalia learned they’d be visiting the home that week.
“And I’ll bring chocolate donuts,” staff said. Dhalia’s face lit up. “You remember what we talked about that day?”
She received a nod and smile in response. On Thursday, Back2Back staff arrived with chocolate donuts. Dhalia lingered long after the donuts were consumed, because for a 13-year-old, that’s what it feels like to be heard.
This is trauma-informed care. It is paying attention to what a child says, and perceiving what they don’t. It is understanding that beneath a request for something as simple as a favorite snack may be grief over choices lost.
It is recognizing how much it matters to a child when we remember.
