6 Truths I Want My Daughters to Understand About Real Love

Feb 13, 2020

Beth Guckenberger

Last year I wrote a blog about what I wanted my four sons, age 16-21, to understand about real love. Since then, I’ve been thinking about creating something similar for our daughters. With the world sending so many wrong messages on what love is, my hope is they read these words and hear my voice encouraging them to love as God instructs. 

1.     Love is unselfish. 

There is no room for pouting in love. This means no games, no manipulation, no controlling, no withholding. It means putting the other person’s interest above your own, even when a world screams at you to take care of yourself at all costs. 

Phil 2:4 Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.

2.     Love trusts. 

It doesn’t second guess someone, question their motives, or holds on so tight, it looks possessive. There is a confident freedom when someone loves you and you love them. 

1 Cor. 13:4-5 Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful.

3.     Love honors. 

This requires loads of empathy, and verbal affirmation you see what he is doing and how hard he’s working. It lifts up, encourages, and leaves the other person feeling fantastic when they are with you. 

Ephesians 4:2: Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love.

4.     Love gets over it. 

It doesn’t remind you over and over of past mistakes. If you (or him) can’t let something go, it’s time to move on. Letting go of an offense is a practice you’ll both need to get comfortable with.

1 Peter 4:8 Above all, keep loving one another earnestly, since love covers a multitude of sins.

5.     Love has chemistry. 

It takes your breath away, and draws you to each other. When there are disagreements, it pulls you to the other side of the fight. It’s like a magnet and should only get better and deeper over time. 

Song of Solomon 1:2 Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth! For your love is better than wine.

6.     Love doesn’t compromise. 

It doesn’t cross boundaries in the dark, that you’ve made in the light. It doesn’t ask you to turn off the quiet voice in your head- it is pure, good, strong, considerate, and respectful. 

Romans 12:9: Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good.

Dear daughters, be the partner you want him to be. Use your strength to call out his. Real love isn’t threatened and should be protected – it’s heady and forever. Live as daughters of the King. He designed love, led you towards someone to express it, and following His ways, will only cause it to grow.

Beth is an author, speaker and mom. She and her husband, Todd, serve as Co-Executive Directors of Back2Back Ministries. Beth frequently travels and speaks at conferences drawing on her vast experiences with adoption, foster care, spiritual care, and non-profit leadership, serving and living internationally for over 15 years. Between biological, foster, and adopted children, Beth and Todd have raised ten children.

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